OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i love accidental penises.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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