he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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