You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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