Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need moral support for this bender
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
