we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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