After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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