just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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