It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
