I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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