It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
