Plan B is the new Plan A
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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