Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
