awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
