It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
