the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
