He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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