everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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