tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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