I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
