this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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