He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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