i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
