How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I could fuck to npr.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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