looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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