dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
