you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
