Just mADE A PArabola og urine
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
