It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
