I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
