Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
