I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
