The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
