I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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