i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
