I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
bring money and cleavage
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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