Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
tell me about the fingering
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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