I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
