he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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