i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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