everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
