Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
