party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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