so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
