the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
