We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
