so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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