Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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