you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
