It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Come on in and take your pants off
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