I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
