when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
