So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
