I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
